dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
