she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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