If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
