I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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