normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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