that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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