I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
