I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
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I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
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