I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
