Will you blow on my dice?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
