just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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