ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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