you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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