Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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