I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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