you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
