You just made me feel so damn special
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
