Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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