Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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