the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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