I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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