Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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