when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
