I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
