Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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