My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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