Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
