Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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