is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
