I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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