I think scott just propositioned me for sex
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
