I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
