I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
