I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
