You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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