I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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