is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
