Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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