Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
vagina is talking i cant
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
