I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Randomize
