the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Never underestimate the power of titties
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
