if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
