And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
