I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
is wine microwaveable?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
