who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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