Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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