I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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