I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
