Please, let me fuck your mom
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.