PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
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Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
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I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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