i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.