remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
