so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"