i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf