It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
