I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
