is your mom at the bar?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
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