look no pants
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
