we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
