He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
