Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
