the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize