i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Someone signed my nipple.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
