i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
