someone threw a dead crab at me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
After tacos, we're chasing women.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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