i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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