I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
