I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
