I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
