Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
