I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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