i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
